Sometimes there’s so much pop culture news in the world, I feel like I can’t take it, and my heart is just going to cave in. Haha, that’s from American Beauty! Except the guy wasn’t talking about pop culture news, he was talking about beauty! I took that famous movie quote and put my own spin on it! I’m creative. Here’s what happened this week in pop culture!
Taylor Swift fan robs a bank to impress her
Earlier this week, a man named Bruce Rowley robbed a Connecticut bank and told police that he «drove to Taylor Swift’s house and threw some of the money that he stole from the bank over her fence». He also told police that he «had a crush on Taylor Swift and wanted to impress her so he robbed the bank». He also confessed that he tried to contact Taylor, but that she wasn’t home. He also planned to donate some of the money as part of his strategy to impress the singer.
And while that is one of the sweetest gestures I’ve ever heard of, I have to say,I think I’ve got Taylor beat in the “best fan gesture EVER” department. Last year one of my fans literally stole my identity. They went to the trouble of obtaining my social security number, hacking into my email account, and opening multiple credit cards in my name. It’s such an over-the-top show of love for me that I don’t even mind that I bought them a house in Boca.
The Rock confirms: Jumanji 2 is happening
This week, the Jumanji reboot starring Kevin Hart and The Rock officially became Sony Pictures” highest-grossing domestic movie. To celebrate, The Rock took to his Instagram and announced that work has already begun on a sequel. But since the most recent Jumanji went into the jungle, and the first Jumanji went into not the jungle, where else can the series go? Everything is covered by being in the jungle or not in the jungle! I guess they could go into space? And if they do, I’ll go see it with Yvonne (that’s my friend who likes space).
Tristan Thompson caught cheating on pregnant Khloe Kardashian
This week, TMZ broke the story that NBA player Tristan Thompson has cheated on girlfriend Khloe Kardashian multiple times. Khloe just gave birth to their daughter THIS Thursday, which makes the news all the more devastating. Tristan was caught on video kissing a woman and then going back to his hotel room with her about a week ago in New York, and was ALSO caught on video kissing/being groped by two women in DC late last year when Khloe was three months pregnant.
Wow. To be told that the love of your life has been cheating on you throughout your entire first pregnancy, just a couple days before you give birth to your child — that has to be absolutely devastating. Almost as devastating as the time I was about to audition for a Cheerios commercial and my friend Becky texted me a picture of my boyfriend at the time, Damien, standing next to a woman in a bikini at the beach. I had to call him to confirm the picture’s accuracy just MINUTES before going in to read for the role of a lifetime. He tried to say that it was an optical illusion, and that he was actually YARDS away from the bikini-clad woman, but how could I trust that? It was just too devastating to comprehend, and I absolutely BOMBED my Cheerios audition as a result. Now I’ll NEVER be “Ethnically Ambiguous Young Mom #2”.
Ronda Rousey makes her pro wrestling debut at WrestleMania
On Sunday, WWE held their annual WrestleMania show, and while the card featured plenty of great matches, the biggest fight came when former UFC champion Ronda Rousey made her pro wrestling debut and won by submission. It was a great match that saw Rousey delivering brutal suplexes, devastating armbars, and even a flurry of punches at former World Heavyweight Champion Triple H.
It was a huge fight; almost as big as the fight I got into with my hairdresser after they gave me the worst haircut of my life. Granted, I tried to cut my own hair for the first time just before I went in and they did the best they could with what they had, I should always walk out of the hair stylist’s feeling happy, satisfied, and beautiful. I deserve AT LEAST that, don’t I? Enjoy your one-star Yelp review, hairdresser.
New Solo: A Star Wars Story trailer
A new trailer debuted this week for the Han Solo origin movie Solo: A Star Wars Story. It gives us a glimpse of Donald Glover being all cool as Lando Calrissian, Woody Harrelson giving Han some kind of mission, and the big reveal that Chewbacca is 190 years old! I’m definitely looking forward to this movie. I’m going to see it with Yvonne (that’s my friend who still likes space).
The Batgirl movie is back on with a new screenwriter
After Joss Whedon’s exit from the project earlier this year, the upcoming Batgirl movie is back in production, having found a new screenwriter in Christina Hodson, who wrote the upcoming Bumblebee movie and the thriller Unforgettable, where Katherine Heigl terrorizes Rosario Dawson because she’s dating her ex.
And I have to admit, this is a pretty disappointing story for me. I had ALL of my Batgirl movie idea pitches ready. Since there’s no use for them anymore, but the world still ultimately deserves to see them, here they are:
-Batgirl accidentally gets sent back in time to 1955 when her wacky scientist friend, Bach, gets caught up with some Libyan terrorists while building a time machine that requires Plutonium to work.
-Batgirl interns for a mean woman, played by Meryl Streep, who is mean, but also teaches her how to tackle the biggest baddie of them all: crimes of fashion
-Batgirl wakes up one day to find her memory is completely erased, including her knowledge of her own identity, but finds she has special skills that only a highly trained assassin would possess.
-Batgirl must search for her father, who has been kidnapped by Nazis, and also search for the Holy Grail at the same time.
-Batgirl goes West.
-Batgirl and her family go on a vacation one summer and she falls in love with a dance instructor name Johnny who teaches her how to break out of her shell and learn how to dance and also to not let her dad put her in a corner.
-Batgirl leads an elaborate heist along with 11 uniquely skilled dudes to rob the Bellagio, The Mirage, and the MGM Grand casinos… all in one night.
-Batgirl and Will Smith must team up to fight against aliens who come to earth and threaten the existence of humanity.
-Flubber, but with Batgirl.
-Batgirl, a dog, and a cat, are homeward bound
-Batgirl dreams of living as a human, but her dad, Tritan, wants her to remain in the sea.
-Batgirl must survive living in a world overrun with monsters who hunt you if they hear you, with only Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, and their children as allies
-Batgirl boards the biggest ship in the world in 1912, and finds herself falling in love with a beautiful Kate Winslet, who is of a much higher class than she. Despite the economic and social barriers that divide them, Batgirl and Kate Winslet fall in love, before an iceberg hits the ship and forces them overboard. Batgirl dies because Kate Winslet won’t share her floating door with her.
-Batgirl’s day off.
-Batgirl is convicted and sentenced to life in prison for killing her wife, but maintains her innocence. Behind bars, she befriends Morgan Freeman, eventually breaking free by creating a secret tunnel from her cell that lead to a sewage system that lets out far, far away from the prison. Covered in sh*t in torrential rain, she finds herself redeemed.
-Batgirl IS… The Godfather
What was the biggest pop culture story of the week? Let us know on Twitter @Smosh!
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