You know the magical, colorful world of Disney. You may even know it first-hand from your trips to the Magic Kingdom itself. But just like anything THAT cheery and THAT wonderful, Disney has a dark side; a maelstrom of hate the likes of which you’ve never seen. And you would’ve never guessed which characters are bringing about that darkness. Here are five Disney characters that are secretly seething with rage.
This is where the black hole of rage really all started, you know? That Blue Fairy put a gosh dang curse on a poor bug who just wanted to live his bug life, not become the physical manifestation of a conscience for some little wooden idiot. And now he has to dispense platitudes and sing awful songs for the rest of his days on this plane of existence? Just look at those beady little eyes — the only thing he’s wishing on a star for is imminent destruction, and he’ll never get it.
Aladdin’s Magic Carpet
This poor guy is the Rodney Dangerfield of Disney characters. He literally spends his entire existence getting walked on, and even worse, sat on by the filthy butts of anyone needing a magical Lyft. We know he’s got access to some wicked arcane magic, so the people of Agrabah are pretty much boned once he decides he’s had enough and unleashes the destruction.
They might has well have named him “Idiot”. All the other dwarves get these innocuous nicknames. “Oh, this guy sleeps a lot,” “Oh, this guy gets mad sometimes,” “Oh, this guy is… a… doctor…?” But Dopey, beneath that Lenny-from-Of Mice and Men-exterior, is harboring a grudge against every jerk in the entire Snow White universe. Dopey’s smarter than he lets on, and one day he’s gonna clap back and put the whole rest of the fam in their place. DON’T LET THEM GET TO YOU, BOO.
Look, we get it. We’re not the first people to raise this flag. Goofy’s a dog; Pluto’s a dog; but only ONE of them is treated like a pet! You know Pluto’s sitting on decades upon decades of the purest, white-hot grudgery because of that. He never even got his own hit ’90s cult movie! Mickey needs to watch his back, before “man’s best friend” goes all Cujo on the Club.
Princess Aurora (from Sleeping Beauty)
Imagine how salty you are when you’re disturbed during a truly BOMB nap. Now multiply that times 1000. It doesn’t matter if it’s “true love’s kiss” or not, when you get startled out of sleep, it’s about to go down. Sure, Aurora plays nice when Prince Charming is around, but there’s a whole lot of under-the-breath muttering and inaudible threats happening in that household. Unless you’re laying on your car horn in an ultra-hilarious viral video, just let sleepin’ people sleep, guys!
What hatred and misery lies bubbling beneath the surface of your favorite cartoon characters? Let me know on Twitter!
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